Why do they do it? – Best Men and to a slightly lesser extent the new trend of Best Women.
So let’s list the 2 main things of what is not appropriate to say at a wedding.
- Previous love life – of either party.
By the time most people get married these days they have been with someone at some point before. Let us be honest it is a sensible thing to do if you want to be sure what is wrong and what is right. However, the relationship that we are concentrating on now is THE ONE and only one that should be mentioned at a wedding.
Even if there have been a string of partners previously they are in the past and we are all looking forward from the moment this happy couple met.
So don’t do it. It is unkind to third parties, embarrassing in the situation and just not necessary. It is also one of the best ways to lose friends and unless you have skin like a Rhino you will be the most likely one feeling the heat!
- What went on during the Stag or Hen do, stays on the Stag or Hen do!
This statement also goes for any serious misdemeanors from past lives.
Only those who were present on the “Do” will appreciate anything you say about it. Therefore to much of the audience it will seem irrelevant and to some it will just seem self-indulgent.
If you want to mention anything about what went on, you can mention it in the “I was going to tell you about this, but I can’t section”. This is where you can hint at some misdemeanor but stop short of any detail. Time, place and possible resulting outcome are the only things you can say – all the details are left to imagination.
Ultimately you are meant to “big up” the bride and bridegroom, with the odd anecdote proving that they are human.
Therefore please do not start a speech with – “so let me tell you about Charlie, or as he is known to his mates Cazzie – which is short for Cazenove by the way!”
All I can say is that speech started and went on in the same vain right the way through. It resembled something similar to the picture above. The only people laughing were one table full of the bridegroom’s so-called mates. This was one table out of about 20. The rest of the room was in stunned silence but the thick skinned speaker, who just thought he was either being clever, funny or just nasty, carried on regardless just humiliating the bridegroom, but worst of all the bride, who was visibly very upset.
As for the pictures above and below. This car crash from the spectacular, but somewhat risk averse and sadly deceased car company Saab, was done on purpose to make sure if it happened in real life, nobody would get hurt. I wish I could have said the same for the aforementioned speech. Like the two pictures, whichever way you look at it, it was just as shocking.
For more information about speech making at weddings please see previous blog post https://www.toastmasterjameshasler.co.uk/2016/09/19/tips-wedding-speeches/
James Hasler is a professional event/conference host, moderator and facilitator. He is also a Master of Ceremonies, Charity Auctioneer and Voice of God and is well-known as The Man behind “The Man in the Red Coat”, a Professional Toastmaster. He has facilitated events all over the UK, as well as throughout Europe and the United States and is the 2019 Toastmaster of the Year.
He also coaches public speaking and works with those who wish to gain greater confidence in front of an audience or camera.